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Author Topic: the Baltimore Ravens  (Read 78 times)

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the Baltimore Ravens
« on: December 17, 2018, 08:20:33 am »

Workplace Policies (Effective Immediately) 1.1 Disagreements Minor disagreements shall be settled with small acts of violence: a slap to the face, a stapler to the groin, or a laptop to the knees are just a few examples. Employees may use any workplace object or surface in order to injure other employees. Remember: violence encourages others to better understand your way of thinking, and fosters respect in future disagreements. Those who attempt to settle minor disagreements with reason and dialogue shall be in violation of The Code. Major disagreements shall be settled by dropping the gloves and chucking knuckles. The last employee standing shall be considered in the right, though both employees shall be sent home for the duration of that workday. Third parties in disagreements are strictly forbidden, and any third party combatants shall be sent home without pay for the duration of the workweek, though will be considered to have grit and admirable character. Third party incidents shall be ignored if the number of those in the disagreement grows to include the division or team its entirety. Those not participating in a full-division disagreement shall be in violation of The Code and will be considered to be absent of grit and admirable character. 1.2 Benefits and Compensation Benefits and compensation shall henceforth be awarded without reason or rationale. Lower level employees will inexplicably, at times, be better compensated than executives or long-serving employees. Those in the Toronto offices shall be compensated at a rate double of that in regional offices. Performance shall have little to do with compensation. Unquantifiable intangibles will be cited as reasons for inflated remuneration. Those who have outstanding fourth quarters shall be rewarded for that quarter in ignorance of all previous quarters. Those who carry the bulk of the workload and adhere to The Code shall be rewarded in empty platitudes, but not monetarily, though will be considered to have grit and admirable character. 1.3 Responsibility Failure and underperformance by teams and divisions shall fall upon the team leaders and divisional executives. If teams or divisions fail to meet expectations, the team leader or divisional executive shall be summarily dismissed. Teams and divisions will publicly praise their dismissed leaders, and will promise to continue to support the organization with efforts of no less than 110%. 1.4 Discrimination and Harassment We expect and demand a respectful and professional work environment. Discrimination shall not be accepted under any circumstances, with the following exceptions: If it involves Europeans. If it involves French Canadians. If it involves non-Canadians. If its really funny. Harassment shall be tolerated only under the following circumstances: If it involves interns. If it involves first-year employees. If it involves guys who had it coming. If its really funny. For circumstances that do not fall into the above categories, please refer to The Code. 1.5 Statement on the Bearing of Firearms Carrying of firearms is strictly prohibited. This is not the NFL. 1.6 Health & Safety All workplace-related injuries and illnesses shall be kept private, and referred to only as upper- and lower-body ailments. Employees who are absent while suffering from workplace-related injuries and illnesses shall be considered to be lacking grit and admirable character. Should an employee be absent due to non-workplace health issues (hangovers, STDs, pregnant in an adulterous affair), their ailment shall be referred to as the flu or food poisoning. Information concerning hangovers, STDs, and pregnancies from adulterous affairs shall be kept within the organization, under the purview of The Code, and because they are indicative of grit and admirable character. For safety purposes, suits and protective headwear shall be worn at all times on the premises, and removed only in instances of disagreements (see 1.1) or celebration. Athletic supporters are not mandatory, but, cmon. 1.7 Nepotism Nepotism shall be rewarded and encouraged. Family members of previously successful employees shall be determined to possess equal or superior skills to the aforementioned.  Automatic respect will be garnered. 1.8 Alcohol & Drugs Use of alcohol and drugs on work premises are strictly forbidden, except during celebrations or getting ready for a big day. Alcohol and drug use on employees personal time shall be discouraged, though ignored if said employees are productive or adhere to The Code or have grit and admirable character. 1.9 Media Relations After each workday, all employees shall be required to address the media. Team leaders and divisional executives shall issue brief statements, followed by terse and adversarial responses to the medias questions. The media shall, at all times, be considered ill-informed and intrusive. Employees will be permitted to answer questions with only the following five responses: We gave a 100% and put in a full day. Its all about the team. I refer you to The Code. Were taking it one day at a time. Only time will tell. Any media member who challenges the policies or activities of the organization will be questioned for not having previously worked in our industry, and dismissed for a lack of understanding of The Code or the merits of those who have grit and admirable character. 2.0 Treatment of Co-Workers All co-workers shall refer to each other by their first name or surname with a –y added to the end (Smith=Smithy or Smitty, Dave=Davey) or by a nickname that is equally affectionate and insulting.  Adolescent, insulting, and vile language is henceforth the norm. Employees are encouraged to insult co-workers by calling each other by names that are not gender appropriate, referring to having intercourse with each others mothers and/or partners, and to question both the size and effectiveness of employees manhood. Such language is noted to adhere to The Code, and those who excel at its employment are seen to have grit and admirable character. 2.1 Transferability Henceforth, all employee contracts are transferable. Without notice or warning, any employee may be transferred to another organization. Reasoning for the transfer must include: Spite. Mismanagement. An attempt to shake things up. Disagreement over compensation. Perceived disrespect. Employees request. Failure to adhere to The Code. Lack of grit and/or admirable character. Alternately, employees may now be demoted to subsidiary organizations with lesser facilities in lesser locations, though these subsidiaries are known to foster grit and admirable character. 2.2 Repercussions Minor violation of any of these policies, or any act that violates The Code, will result in a half-day banishment to a secured cubicle that has been built in each divisions workspace. While in the secured cubicle, penalized employees will feel shame. Major violations shall require suspensions at the purview of management, though the length of any suspension shall not be related to any other. At the discretion of management, minor and major violations may be ignored if they are deemed to fall under the discretion of The Code. In such instances, the offending party shall be labeled as having grit and admirable character. Conclusion Each of these policies may change without notice or rationale at the discretion of management, and every 4-8 years the workplace shall be shutdown for 8 months to reevaluate all policies to the great frustration of our valued customers. All employees are forthwith encouraged to adhere to The Code and develop grit and admirable character, or they should go work for a European organization. Interested parties may opt to enroll in the organizations monthly character building workshops on the Sutter Family farm in Viking, Alberta. Authentic Tyus Jones Jersey .  Almost 40 years to the day, the two teams will meet again, this time at BC Place, to celebrate the past and try to earn important points for the present. Authentic Jimmy Butler Jersey . The cause of his death is as of yet undetermined, but police said foul play is not suspected. http://www.cheaptimberwolvesjerseysauthentic.com/?tag=authentic-josh-okogie-jersey. They were expecting him there all along. The Pacers announced Friday night that George has been cleared "to return to normal basketball activity," a decision made three days after he was concussed in Game 2 of the Indiana-Miami series. Authentic Andrew Wiggins Jersey . Orlandos Glen Davis tried to get in the way, only to be driven back into the padding under the basket as the Pelicans forward slammed home a windmill jam. Authentic Anthony Tolliver Jersey . Next up, the Baltimore Ravens, Cincinnati Bengals, Pittsburgh Steelers, and Cleveland Browns in the AFC North. Baltimore Ravens In 2014, the 8-8 season that the Baltimore Ravens experienced was to be expected.Fridays action from Brazil concludes with Ecuador and Honduras both looking for their first win at the 2014 World Cup. Listen to Ecuador vs. Honduras LIVE at 6pm et/3pm pt on TSN Radio 1050 Toronto and TEAM 1410 Vancouver. Ecuador and Honduras will both be aiming to bounce back after suffering defeats in their respective World Cup openers in Group E play at the Arena da Baixada on Friday. Both sides enter the match without a point, but the two teams arrived at that destination in very different ways. Ecuadors 2-1 defeat to Switzerland came on a stoppage-time winner from Swiss substitute Haris Seferovic, while Honduras was hammered 3-0 by France and had Wilson Palacios sent off in the first half. There is no room for error for either team in this game as the loser would be eliminated, and both must pick themselves up after tough defeats to open the competition. Ecuador took the lead in the contest in the 22nd minute through a goal from Enner Valencia as he headed home a free kick. But Switzerland made the most of a set-piece chance of its own and equalized early in the second half courtesy of Admir Mehmedi. The match was there for the taking for either side in the second half, but just when Ecuador seemed to be pressing for the winner, Switzerland hit on a counter attack in the dying minutes to snatch the win on a well-worked piece of play that resulted in Seferovic slamming home the winner from close range. "It was an intense and evenly-matched game. Weve seen both teams perform to the best of their ability," said Ecuador head coach Reinaldo Rueda, "We seemed to have thee game under control, but what use is that if you end up losing? But thats football, although we didnt deserve to lose.dddddddddddd Both teams went looking for the win. We have to get this defeat out of our heads and get ready to face two very strong opponents." That first opponent, Honduras, was soundly beaten by France through two goals from Karim Benzema and an own goal that brought goal-line technology into play. Benzema converted from the penalty spot shortly before halftime to put France into the lead, while Honduras entered the break with 10 men after Palacios received a second yellow card. At that point it was mostly about damage control for head coach Luis Fernando Suarez and his team, although he watched France add another goal in the 48th minute when a shot from Benzema struck the post and was deflected into his own net by goalkeeper Noel Valladares. Benzema then capped the match with another tally 18 minutes from time, leaving Suarez to hope that his side can learn from the defeat and move forward. "It was a tough match, and they came through it better than we did," Suarez said. "Weve got no regrets; they were simply better than us on the day. There are certain aspects that well need to improve ahead of our next game. Its difficult to overcome a team thats already up by a goal and is capable of holding on to the ball so well. Well need to retain the lessons we learned today." Honduras is still searching for its first win at a World Cup, while Ecuador can give itself a chance at reaching the round of 16 for the second time with three points on Friday. 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